When I felt a little more beautiful… A to Z 2020

B for beautiful

I am told that I was born with my skin color as white as milk. Looking at those albums, I can see the change in my skin colour over the years as I grew up. A lot of people keep on suggesting me to try so and so things so that I have a lighter skin tone. Initially, I used to ignore such things. I have been one of those kids who likes walking barefoot. After getting manipulated, I may have tried sun screen but I couldn’t do it more than a week because I am forgetful. In the last couple of years, I have tried some home remedies only for keeping my skin healthy, not for getting a lighter tone.

I used to be a chubby kiddo. I don’t remember how it was to be a chubby kid. People tell me how cute I was as a chubby kid. But I feel that they are happy that I am healthy today.

It seems like for people, no discussion about beauty can be complete without physical beauty here. I don’t know about the topic in your part of the world.

I don’t think I struggled much with people’s demands and expectations about me being beautiful as I never tried their nuskas. We have a saying here, “Soorat nahi Seerat dekho (Look at character, not physical beauty).” Probably because of this saying, I have always been able to ignore toxic stuff easily.

But what I have struggled with is speaking up my mind. I never felt like speaking back to anybody because I had some kind of inferiority complex due to my socially awkward nature.

However, about two years ago, somebody told me to go to a parlour to get my eyebrows done. I straightaway refused. I didn’t feel the need to. I was told I needed to start looking like a girl and was even jokingly threatened that I would be forcefully taken to the parlour. I laughed it off with a smile on my face.

A couple of months after that, I spoke my mind for the first time when a relative asked me why my sister was wearing a trendy outfit and I, a simple one.

“I am wearing what I am comfortable with, she’s wearing what she likes.”

I have always believed that simple is beautiful. But that day, I felt a little more beautiful.

Five years ago, a message popped on my phone. It read, “Saumyaa, it’s amazing all your pictures are so happy and smiling.” When I asked my friend, which picture was she talking about, she replied, “All have a wide smile.”

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Read all parts of A to Z challenge 2020 here.